I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
