Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
