he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
