Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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