I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
