You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
