I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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