oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
