Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
