Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
