Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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