I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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