"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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