heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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