There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i came on her dog
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
