nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
one two three fourrrrnication!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
