you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
