I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
