saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
