he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
