I am midnight drunk by noon
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
