How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
