drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
