Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The best revenge is premature balding
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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