I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
