lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
