found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
