sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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