I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
