Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
