He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
