my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
