To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
