i barfeds in our rink
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
