i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
