is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
