She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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