At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
