My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
