The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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