Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
