went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
