he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
