dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i now understand why vodka
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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