Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
