why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
