when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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