Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
