Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
