If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
