So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
