he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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