people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
