Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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