i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
