herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
