Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
