Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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