Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
