If i come over, it means nothing
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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