I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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