My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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