3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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