Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have feelings that need drinking.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
